A Witness of Him

It’s been a few days. I feel consistency is best and even desirable, but in an effort to not make continual excuses, I am going to state it is my intention and desire to write at least a few posts weekly. At the same time life will happen. I am a mom of 7, a wife still learning what it means to be a wife, I have a home, I homeschool, I have dealt with fairly severe health issues the past few years, and all the other things “humanity” throws our way. There are many, many things.

But it is my greatest desire to share with you because I have found 100’s – probably 1000’s, of hours of joy in learning from what I will share with you (by taking what I am told to Father and allowing He and His to expound). And the opportunity to get to share even a portion of that is no passing fancy or small whim. It is everything. It is the way I can share my gratitude for what I have been given.

So if time lags between my tales, just know it is not for a lack of earnest vigor towards this project, rather it is because life happens and I must be present for all of it.

So, no more excuses, but also no more promises. I will always do my best.

Onto Joseph. The first stories he had for me were not the ones I have remembered most (one of them was, partially). So I will get to those I had intended to write when I begin writing in order of experiences. In reviewing what was said the first evening I spoke with him, I have found one story to share from that night, and remembered one other from a different night.

The one story about his life (not one particular moment but in general) he first told me (which I had actually completely forgotten) took place after his first vision when he said he still just wanted to be a 14 year old boy. He said he desired nothing greater than for someone in his family to have a conversation with him simply as the young boy he was. Instead of being “Joseph the 14 year old boy,” he became, “Joseph the boy who had the vision.” He said always being spoken to as the visionary got very lonely. He addressed it on a few occasions, but to no avail. People would listen to him and then continue on speaking to the visionary. But he was still a young boy. Although he was constantly taught from the point of the first vision on, he also grew teasing, rough housing, skipping chores, and running around with friends.

In addition to what he felt became his isolation from any meaningful conversation with his family, he said his continued childish behaviors often became a point of frustration for his dad (in particular) and it took a bit of time to for his dad to work through his frustration. His son had seen God, and was stacking haystacks from which he could jump over pigs – to avoid doing his assigned chores? As outsiders looking in maybe it’s easy to see that would have been the case, but if it were our child – if we as a family were suffering as a whole from his having told his tale to all who would listen – would we demand greater poise and reverence, a greater standard, if for no other reason than that we were all sacrificing to support him? Can we really ever judge what our thoughts would be? No. Because it wasn’t our experience and we simply don’t know; but sufficeth to say: boy Joseph and parents alike, were human – probably more so than we give them credit for.

For me, this very much normalizes the boy Joseph (and his dad). The prophet we all revere and admire. In a broader perspective, I believe it is natural and common to put all leaders past and present on pedestals. But, in doing so – do we put their experiences just out of reach? Do we put a cap on our faith? As if to say, “I could do anything hand in hand with the Lord – but not that thing, because I’m not…” Who’s to say you’re not? Perhaps don’t put limits on what God can do with you (or me). Rather reach for the sun and simply ask the Lord, “Do you want to teleport me or teach me to fly – because I know with Thee all things are possible.” And they are. (Side note, lest my example confuse you into thinking it’s wise to choose what heights to take your life without input from Him Who created you, and He will simply be your means of travel – that’s not what I’m saying, it’s just an example to make the point, “Don’t rule out the impossible for One with Whom all things are possible.”) (Also, second side note: Maybe don’t make your goal physically reaching the one location which is sure to obliterate you before you ever get close. I get it if your faith is like, “But Jesus can do that too! He can make me indestructible!” I’m sure He can. But would there be a point? The greatest lesson would probably be what He could teach you personally and if I were Him – I’d teach you to fly to the sun so you’d learn to not waste any more wishes. “Enjoy your flight, I’ll see you in the Spirit world when you don’t even get close. Bam, don’t wish for silly things. Lesson learned.”)

As for the second story I have chosen to share, it was told later in my experiences but I feel it is appropriate to share here in a post about humanizing the seemingly inhuman: The story took place after his first vision (all the stories I will tell did). He and his friends were hanging out when they spotted his sister heading to a dance with her friends. He said the ladies were all dolled up, and his sister had even put on a wig for the occasion. He flat out said it looked awful. But not to worry! He and his friends would help her out. As she neared a fountain they jumped out from where they’d been hiding and he knocked the wig off her head and into the fountain, making it – if not irretrievable – at least irredeemable for that night. I literally gasped out loud when he told me (being a woman and understanding the lengths we can go to, to look our best), and I yelled,

“Joseph!” He cut me off to respond,

“What! I did her a favor. She looked so much prettier without it!” And that’s when I realized two things: 1. It was kind of sweet that he was trying to make her more attractive for her dance (I had older brothers, it was always heart warming when they tried to help me – no matter their approach); 2. He is still unrepentant and it’s been over 200 years. My melting heart was shocked.

When I first began speaking to Joseph Smith, as in the first few minutes of our first conversation, I was in tears. They came naturally, this was Joseph Smith, but they also seemed fitting and had I not burst into them naturally, I believe I at least would have tried, because – guys, Joseph Smith. But I spent that first hour long conversation much as I would spend a conversation with a dear friend with whom I had been catching up; i.e. some moments were more serious, some moments were reverent, most – I was giggling as I got to know the Prophet Joseph not as the Prophet I had come to love and hold sacred, but rather as the boy he was and man he is.

My husband asked me recently why I would be told and shown so many seemingly every day things in many pasts of those we hold sacred. I have had a few years to think on this and I truly believe that it is an in an effort to grow faith. My own, and possibly those I witness to. Nephi has his lament, which humanizes him for many of us – but I have seen him in a very personal setting when he returned from learning from the Lord on the mountain to a frustrated, hungry, wife. She was hungry and in need of food, most especially as she felt it would help her feed her infant baby. She didn’t want to hear his stories when he arrived – full of the Spirit and dying to share, she just wanted food and a little bit to know why he had put the mountain before she and baby. Was she being selfish? Absolutely not. She depended on him and was a new mom feeling all the stress of a new infant, but on top of it the stress of being surrounded by unfamiliarity and total dependent on her new husband. Was he being selfish? Absolutely not. He had been commanded to go to the mount often an that was where he strengthened his faith and received direction that led them ever closer to the Promise Land. They were both doing the best with the situation they were in. But they were human, married, and arguments – and disappointments, happen whenever two separate minds combine to live one life.

I feel the point is, the Lord has and will use imperfect people to accomplish His will. He will use you, and He will use me if we allow it. What is the one consistent that is required? Faith. Faith first motivates us to “experiment on His word” (Alma 32), which means we put our foot in the water – we read, we pray, we test and see if we can’t hear His voice; and then we go even one step further by beginning to align our desires with His as we are obedient to the commands which make us more like Him. And then as we continue seeking Him, ever strengthening our faith as we continue putting Him first – then one day we find Him. Maybe He comes when your home is a disaster, your finances the same, you haven’t slept since having 3 babies in 4 years, you’re in between 3 back surgeries, and just getting out of several law suits (just throwing out possible random scenarios here – know anyone like that? Me neither). Maybe He can come when your life is in utter chaos because the one consistent you have built is you give Him some of your time everyday and beg He align your life with His. That’s it. Continued faith despite what life brings.

That’s what Prophets and Greats of old have done, and to minimize it all for a second – that is what is asked of us. Just keep turning to Him. He uses the imperfect because no one can even come close to perfection, without Him. He knows that far better than we do.

This is my witness. It is true.

He lives. That is the point of every post. Turn to Him, He is waiting for you.

All my love,

Mom, friend, Jennica