A Witness of Him

Dear Children and all who may read this testimony,

Joseph Smith has played an intimate role in what has taken place in my home. He lives. He is a Prophet. He will return to be an Elias to the coming of the the Savior. I believe a part of the reason he has come is simply so that I can bear this witness. You will see as I relate my experiences that they are not magnificent (outside of the fact they are happening), rather they are simple, real, and happening in this modern world with my every day thoughts and feelings.

I had begun this post with the intention of sharing an experience with Joseph Smith in the temple. However, as I was preparing it I was studying Mosiah 2 in my daily scripture study and I found a connection with how he began his address to his people. As a result, I have decided to first share a different experience with Joseph – namely one in which I was necessarily humbled. As I continue recounting my experiences (in an effort to strengthen the faith of the faithful), I want to caution the reader: I am not my experiences. My experiences are shaping me to be more like the Master, they have not taken place because I am more like Him than any of you. Thus, please never make the mistake of looking to me as an example – rather always keep your eyes on Him Whom has allowed me the gift of these experiences.

I love King Benjamin’s speech to his people (a people he has successfully created peace within, unity). He has seen and spoken with an angel, and gathered his people to share the angel’s message. I love that he keeps saying, “I who ye call your king,”. He is their king, why does he keep pointing out that, that is a title they have given him (or his father and the people before them)? To me it feels like he is trying to emphasize the point that he is just a man, just like one of them. Just because he has been given this title and these responsibilities in mortality – that doesn’t make him thee King, the one and only King of us all. He works and serves amongst them because he is one of them. He points this out because he’s in essence saying, “Don’t look at me – look at the One Whom sent angel’s to teach me.”

I am not a king. I am not educated. I am not successful. I have struggled even with my one role of “homemaker”. My children know that all too well. No one wants to imitate my life. At one point in his speech King Benjamin is relating how he has worked among the people and after stating he’s not trying to boast or get praise, he says that rather he’s hoping to give his people some wisdom. What “wisdom” is he sharing by relating his efforts amongst them? This man has seen angels, he has created peace in his kingdom throughout all his people (not unlike Melchizedek) – that’s incredible. So what wisdom, or knowledge, can his people garner from thinking about the way he has lived his life? I believe it can only be that he is telling them his actions are not his own, but rather he has given himself to God and they are evidence of God working through him. And that’s the point. Whether my role in mortality is great and I have earned the accolades and praise of the world (I haven’t), or whether I am the lowest of the low and there is nothing in my life worth emulating – it doesn’t matter. My response to the question of “why me” (or I suppose it would be “why her”), is: don’t look at me. Look at the One Whom sent angels to teach me. What I have experienced is only testament that God works through and with all men, my experiences are evidence of Him. I am eternally humbled and grateful that I can bear that witness. God is using these experiences to make me His tool, He is refining and shaping me – because there is so much refining necessary. I will eventually relate details of that refinement as I will be sharing trials and struggles as well as miracles.

I began this post with the intent to tell a story – and we will get to that story in the next post. I have chosen another to emphasize what I have said thus far.

There was one night I was speaking to Joseph Smith and the conversation had turned toward my then infant daughter, she had woken up screaming as he was teaching me. He told me about the woman she would become and told me never to worry about her, she would grow to be a great woman, and then he said, “Like you will someday be.” And I laughed out loud. I was up in the middle of the night speaking with the first Prophet of this dispensation who had come as an angel sent from God, I believed I had to be doing okay to have been given such an honor. I was the only one that laughed though. So, I pushed trying to get Jospeh to see what I thought was so funny, I quoted his, “someday” as if to say – “look at me now, I must be doing something right!” But he did not find it funny and instead just replied, “Yep,” confirming I was not there yet.

I have thought about that moment often. What was I supposed to learn? Did my infant awake simply so it could be said? Was God the Father trying to teach me humility? Probably. The more time that has passed the more embarrassment I have felt over my reaction, because indeed I have had a lot of growing up to do. It has been years, and I still have a lot of growing up to do. They came to me not because I was anyone special or even particularly righteous – they came to me because life had necessitated a strong faith and faith is what is required to see and hear. If you have faith, He can mold you into a person worthy to be in His presence. Without faith, He can do nothing (rather, He can do all things, but He won’t interfere with your free agency – faith gives Him your permission for Him to act in your behalf). He came not because I was worthy per say, but rather because He could make me worthy. This is the reason I so desire to strengthen your faith, no matter where you are at in life or your personal journey to come unto Him. Building your faith will only help you on your personal journey, it will draw you even closer to Him. I am sharing my experiences in hopes that it will be easier for you to believe. Within that belief your faith will strengthen. That is my purpose. And in seeking to accomplish that I say again, “Don’t look at me, look to the One Who sent angels to teach me.”

This is my witness, and it is true.

Until next time,

Mom (Jennica)